Pregnancy workout question
Hi Helen! I am looking for some advice on what workouts to do during pregnancy. What were your pregnancy workouts that you did during 1st, 2nd, and 3rd trimesters? I completely understand if you don’t feel comfortable right now in answering this question. I’m just doing workouts I did previously like running, swimming, Pilates, and workout videos on YouTube such as Heather Robertson and Blogilates but just not doing hardcore abdominal workouts. Just wanted to see your perspective and maybe be influenced by you! Thank you!
Arranged Marriage vs. Love Marriage
Dear ABG, What are your thoughts on Arranged Marriages compared to Love Marriages? Statistics show they are successful, but will it work for people here in the United States? (Perhaps this question could be a follow up to the matchmaker question. Note - this question has been updated over time.) I am all for love marriages but the pressure continues to mount from my parents considering I'm in my mid 30's as a guy. The apps and such these days aren't working quite as well as they did a few years ago and my friends circle is small, and while I've met once met a nice Indian Muslim girl who was older than myself many years ago, it was not the right time for me because I wasn't fully independent at the time. I had to say no to her at the time because I didn't think I deserved her and be able to match her financial level at the time, and tried reaching back out but I understand she doesn't want to try again. While I continue my search and I haven't met someone like her - (independent, smart, beautiful) - my parents are trying to set me up with girls in an arranged marriage where I only get to meet a potential woman for a few times or even just once. One of them seemed reasonable but was not showing interest in me but is more interested in being able to live in the US, plus although she is a Doctor by education, she doesn't want to pursue a career. Update: her family said no to me because I wanted to meet her more than once, which is totally weird to me, I'd prefer to get to know someone further. My type is not her (but my ideal type is East Asian girls, whose qualities I find more admirable such as being more independent and career oriented like working corporate as compared to their South Asian counterparts who may not really want to pursue a career but this of course does not apply to everyone, it's just that some South Asian women could be more sheltered and have less exposure to being independent. Not sure where to meet an East Asian woman who would be receptive to me, considering Religion is important to me being that I am Muslim (and I am not very conservative either), allows also for me to marry from a monotheistic faith, a woman who is Muslim, Jewish or Christian and she can remain the same religion that she is, she is not obligated change to be Muslim like me. Context purposes, I am Pakistani American born and raised.) Thank you so much for a wonderful podcast! Sorry for such a long question. Best, Raheel
Limiting Screen Time
Kind of a two parter: 1) Helen, how do you entertain your bb boy? My best friend has her baby watching something a lot (tv at home, phone while eating out/socializing). I’m not saying it’s bad because it’s helpful when house chores need to get done, but how else can she keep her little one entertained on a daily basis? 2) How do you ladies limit your screen time especially as content creators? I think Mel has said in a past episode that she has a time limit set on her phone and/or deletes the app?? instagram has a chokehold over me😅 help lol
Baby Question(s)
I have a 3.5 year old and I'm 30 weeks pregnant. I've been out of the baby game for a little bit, as we had a miscarriage a couple of years ago which resulted in uterine adhesions and fertility issues, so this entire pregnancy I've been sort of not believing this was gonna actually happen for us. I'm trying to pull my shit together now that we've reached viability, so what kinds of things did you find useful for your registry? Our toddler is a girl and the new baby will be a boy, so is there anything different with boys? I'm also so sorry for what you went through, Helen. I really appreciate y'all talking about it.
Empty Nest Syndrome
Dear ABG, TLDR: help me help my mom with Empty Nest Syndrome- is the main question For context, I have lived at home with my parents all of my life (childhood, undergrad, med school) up until I went away for 3 years for my residency program several states away. During that time, living away from home, I realized I had a LOT of growing up to do, and was somewhat horrified, that I never realized this until I moved away (e.g. my parents always insisted on doing everything for me and somehow, I didn't realize that was a problem, like getting groceries, cooking, getting gas, finances and budgeting, and I had never driven a car on the freeway before outside of driving test). In the midst of the busy-ness of residency, I was able to pull myself together within a month, but I was really stressed with starting residency and never having lived alone so far from home before, so I felt lucky that it worked out. Upon completion of residency, I found a job back home, lived again back at home- but the transition was not easy- I felt very stifled being back at home, after having had 3 years of almost-complete freedom and autonomy. I discussed moving out, to the dismay of my parents but especially my mother, and finally, 2.5 years since being home, I found a house and moved out (25 minute drive from home). Around this same time, my younger sister who had been living in the state but in a dorm, found a job many many states away. Essentially, both my sister and I moved away from "home" within a month. It has been one year since we made our moves. In the course of the last year, I have noticed my mom exhibiting signs of Empty Nest Syndrome. She seems depressed, having heightened complaints of her usual back pain, seems unmotivated, and continues to be very overbearing over my sister and I despite the distance (e.g. frequent calls, texts, and Asian-level "comments" on body weight/appearance/job prospects/being single etc). My dad is doing just fine, FYI, is his normal self and he lives with my mom. Side question- I also don't know how normal it is to be asked to group vid chat (myself, sister, and mom) at least every other day if not daily, or if not voice call, and to send good morning and good night texts everyday. Seems simple enough, but... sometimes I am very pooped or really busy and I do forget to text the good morning/night sometimes. My Asian friends feel this is normal, my non-Asian friends feel this is not normal. Sorry, a whirlwind of info I know, but it's a lot... and if you can't tell, I have mostly been a go-with-the-flow, do-as-I'm-told person... but I guess I am trying to grow up and be my own person. Current priority, is how to help my mom, without either of us moving back home. Want to know your insights, thanks.
Career advice
Hi ladies! I’m turning 38 this year and am 12 plus years in my career in IT. I generally enjoy it but want to do something different. I know it’s never too late to start a different career you ladies are living proof. But what were some of the challenges you guys faced? I went back to listen to the episode where you guys went full time ABG and it just inspired me. Any advice?
Any recommendations for dealing with lost of motivation working in corporate?
Hi ladies, long time listener and big fan of the return of this segment! As the title suggests, I’ve been feeling de-motivated at work recently. I still enjoy what I do, but there has been an uptick in office politics, which has seriously affected morale. One instance is in terms of promotions. One of my friends works super hard has been promised a promotion for the past 2 years, saying that she’s definitely on track for the next year. However, she has once again been told “you’re on track for next year.” Even though it doesn’t personally affect me, it has triggered my imposter syndrome in wondering if I’m good enough for my position, as I got promoted last year. Moreover, it’s really upsetting and de-moralizing to see far less hardworking people get promoted over my friend. It just seems like the leadership team will dangle a carrot in front of you for as long as they can and take advantage of you if you have a good work ethic before you decide you’ve had enough. Any advice?
Podcast Metrics / NYC Project? / Etc.
Dear ABG, Was wondering what sorts of metrics are you using to monitor Podcast performance? Perhaps Spotify Analytics, Google Analytics or the likes of it? And how are you applying these metrics for the podcast in terms of iterating and ideating? Also curious if Mel had any updates on any NYC related projects? Love the set for YouTube episodes! Any chance we will see 4k quality on YouTube at some point? Picture quality is very good as is! Best, Raheel
Taking Emotional Risks
Hi Mel, Janet, and Helen ~ I would love your insights into how you take emotional risks with friends and family, especially when feeling disconnected from them. I have been open on social media about my latest mental health challenges, but I realize I still don't talk about them much with those who actually are in my life. When you've had a hard time being vulnerable with someone close to you, how do you open yourself up more to them? Thank you so much, Lauren Yang
Parenting
Hi. :) This question is directed toward all three ladies, but the last part I was hoping for Helen's input. When I was younger (teenager transitioning into adulthood), I would often label my parents "annoying." Too many unnecessary reminders about things I already know, too strong of an inability to relate to my problems, too little freedom to make my own choices, etc.. My question was: Did you all experience this? And, as a parent, do you feel a sense of "ah, I understand why they were that way?" See you soon!
Being open to recieving and asking for things
Hey besties! I struggle with recieving and especially asking for things as it makes me feel "selfish". I know logically that it doesnt, but its become such a habit to say "no, im okay" whenever im offered something that its almost automatic. Asking for help (in person)? Forget about it. I mostly have this issue with extended family, friends, strangers. Have you ladies ever experienced this? What suggestions do you have for getting over this. (Note: i am an Obliger and im which may be a factor here and im working to release myself from this mindset as well)
Parenting Question
Parenting questions here :) What would you do if a an older kid (6+ yo) at the playground is constantly cutting in line of many younger kids that are patiently waiting their turn? The parent of the older child is on the bench on their phone and not paying attention to their child’s behaviour. Many of the parents at the playground are looking at each other, as no one is quite sure what is best to do. Do you teach your child to stand up for themselves, talk to the parent of the older child, tell the older child to wait their turn, go elsewhere..?